When Black and White Become Grey

Most of us don't have to think about how we relate to others in the workplace.  It is something that we learn throughout our lifetime.  Some of us are definitely better at it than others, but we get along to the best of our ability.

It is the social part of work that is often the most difficult for individuals with developmental disabilities to navigate.  This is where the black and white turn to grey,  The individuals working in an integrated workplace see others joking with each other, discussing things that are happening outside of work, and maybe even sometimes making plans to get together after their work shift is over.  It is normal for them to want to be like everyone else.  This is the ultimate goal of inclusion, isn't it?  But sometimes this is easier said than done.

Because individuals with disabilities sometimes don't see themselves as any different from others, it is difficult to understand why someone they work with may have a different reaction to them than they may have to someone else they work with.  Sometimes this is exacerbated by well-meaning co-workers who think of an individual with a disability as "cute" or "child-like" and don't consider them as the adult that they really are.  Most people are afraid of hurting someone's feelings and may let behavior that would be unwelcomed by any other co-worker continue because they fear the reaction they may recieve, or worse yet, feel that it may be doing or saying something discriminatory.

I recently attended a seminar entitled "Adulthood is Not an IQ, it is an Age."  Sometimes those who work in the field of developmental disabilities can even be consfused or misguided at times.  The bottom line is that when you give an adult individual with a development disability the option of being treated like an adult or like a child, they will most often choose being treated like an adult, because that is what they are and they intrinsically know it.

A young adult man who is working in a restaurant setting has seen others at work talk about meeting up outside of work for a drink or other social activity.  Since he is in his mid-20s, this is something that is age approprate for he and his peers.  The problem came when he tried to ask for the phone number of a femaie co-worker who was not interested in any contact with the young man outside of work.  This situation became very difficult because the young man didn't understand why the female coworker didn't want to exchange numbers, and the female coworker was hesitant about talking with the young man in the same manner that she would with any other young man that she wasn't interested in.  And thus, they found themselves in the grey area of social interaction in the workplace that individuals with developmental disabilities sometimes experience.

In my experience, it is best to tread lightly in the grey area and keep things as black and white as possible.  For instance, the job coach might suggest that an individual ask the manager if there is a policy in place regarding asking co-workers for personal information while at work.  If there is no policy, the job coach might suggest that if the individual wants to ask for a coworkers phone number that they only do so one time.  If the coworker doesn't want to share it, than that should be the end of the matter.  Putting concrete, black and white, parameters on things can sometimes make these situations a little easier. 

The hardest situations for job coaches to deal with are when an individual observes another coworker doing something that is clearly against policy, but they do not get in trouble for it.  It is very hard to explain this, but these are the times when it is best to just let a supervisor clarify the situation.  There have been numerous times that I have heard from managers, "It would be nice if some of my other employees had a job coach sometimes."

One of the biggest challenges in community employment is that we have no control over the other people that are a part of the workplace environment.  When looking for a job, the job development staff do their best to find a fit in a supportive environment.  Don't we all want to find a work environment where are strenghts are valued and we can rely on our coworkers to help us when we need it?  

Job coaches help to foster supports in the work place. They educate.  They suggest ways to better communicate with the individuals that we support.  They help these individuals through trying situations.  Although they do all these things, the bottom line is that sometimes there is grey involved in the world of work and our job is to help the individuals's we support decipher how to best deal with it.  After all, learning how to deal with the grey areas of life is part of being an adult.